As I write this it is 7:00 pm on February 13th. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Right now, there are thousands of people desperately seeking out that special gift for that special someone. Thankfully, I am NOT one of those people but why do we do this? Why do we celebrate Valentine's Day?
The first Valentine's Day was celebrated in 496 A.D. and created by Pope Gelasius I. It was a Christian holiday celebrating Saint Valentine. There were several saints known by this name and feasts were held each February 14th in commemoration of them. It wasn't until Geoffrey Chaucer linked the holiday with romantic love that we have the holiday that we have today. It was in the 15th century that giving flowers, sweets, and greeting cards became attached to the day. (thank you Wikipedia!)
There are a few schools of thought about Valentine's Day and its meaning. Some believe it to be a highly commercial day, believed to be created by greeting card companies like Hallmark so that more cards can be sold. Unless Hallmark was founded in the 15th century, this cannot be true, but the sentiment is understandable. The US Greeting Card Association estimates over 190 million valentines are given out each year in the US alone. When you include cards handed out at schools, that number skyrockets to over 1 billion! Over 15 million e-Valentines were sent out in addition to this. So yes, someone is making a LOT of money, and this is just the greeting card industry alone. Florists, confectioners, restaurants, jewelers, and countless other industries see an appreciable boost to sales around this date.
Others believe that not professing one's undying love for another on this day equates to sacrilege. Some people need to be showered with flowers and candy and be taken out to lavish meals and expensive shows to reinforce that their significant other loves them. Everyone knows the amount someone loves you is directly proportionate to the amount of money it costs them on Valentine's Day. (note the sarcasm)
Studies show the divorce filings rate skyrockets by nearly 40% around this day. This day, and really just about every day after January 1st, is a constant reminder of one's personal love situation. If you are miserable, the pressure continues to mount until it bursts. Walk into any Wal-mart, Target, florist, mall, jewelry store, or really about anywhere else after New Years and you will see tons of reminders of the upcoming day. If one is single, the pressure to not be seen as lonely on this one particular day rises. If one is married, the pressure to impress your significant other on this one particular day rises. If one is married or dating but that relationship is on the rocks, the pressure is amplified. If one is married or dating and things are going great, this day can screw it up for you. Underestimating the social pressures that Valentine's Day can put on a relationship can end you.
I believe that Valentine's Day is unnecessary in a healthy relationship. I do not need a specific day to reinforce the fact that I love my wife and she loves me. She loves me 365 days a year. (or maybe only about 335 days leaving in about 30 days where I am a royal screw up and she wants to have me eviscerated.) Even at that, I still do something to recognize the day. Is it social pressure? Perhaps. Would she be angry if I let the day pass without doing anything? I don't think so, but why risk it? One could view Valentine's Day as a day to atone for the mistakes of the past year. (but believe me, if you let a whole year pass without atoning for your screwups, you wont make it to Valentine's Day)
So what to do for Valentine's Day? I got asked this question by a few readers recently. I am writing this from the male perspective. Here are some suggestions:
- If you think you need to spend a lot of money on Valentine's Day, you are either doing it wrong or the one you are with is shallow. Dump them and move on.
- If you plan to give a gift, make it unique. If you give flowers weekly, giving flowers again is not special or memorable.
- If she is on a diet, candy isn't a smart move.
- My wife loves getting a mani/pedi. The value of sending her off for a day to get this done cannot be understated for her. Same with a massage. That being said, if money is tight, DIY! You think should wouldn't love a massage by you? Or a great foot/hand rub with massage oils and bath salts? (if you dont know what these are, try google)
- Dinner - If they ask "Would you like fries with that?", go elsewhere. If money is tight, a candlelit meal cooked by you at home cannot fail, unless you are the world's worst cook, and even then it still might work.
- If you are married or living together and you can afford it, bring in someone to clean. If you can't afford it, clean it yourself. Of course, all chores around the home should be shared, but there is a LOT of value in taking care of the things she takes care of, even if its just for a day.
- Women want to be appreciated. They can be supremely confident and your relationship can be rock solid, but she will still melt if you tell her how much you care and why. The why is really important. I love you is good. I love you because without you my life would be incomplete and my world would crumble is much better.
- For the women - most guys needs are pretty simple. We don't want flowers or candy or jewelry (unless you really want to buy us a nice Rolex). They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and to some extent that is true, but some might argue that there are much faster ways. I will let you figure out what those are. :) We also wouldn't pass up a weekend in Vegas or 36 holes on a future weekend at a local golf course.
Hugs and Kisses to you all!
Just Jesse
Covered all the basics and then some in how NOT to mess up your relationship on that one insane day of the year! Great comments, Jesse! Thanks
ReplyDeleteto point blank say spending money is shallow is not true, i like nothing more than going to a nice resteraunt in London and splashing out. you cant do it all the time obviously but nice food and wine is one of lifes great luxuries, for me anyway. Also if youre doing the home thing, melted chocolate and strawberries is the one...
ReplyDeleteSorry Z. Read again. I said if you think you NEED to spend a lot of money not IF you spend a lot of money. I fully agree with you, few things are as good as a nice meal with your lady. Some people are high maintenance and believe that money = love.
DeleteGramps came through really well this year! Roses and a card on the table when I woke up this morning~ lunch at a fast food resturant [I know that sounds cheezy but it is a rare treat for me] an afternoon shopping [with no whineing] in return this evening I used the old standby [getting to him thourgh his stomach] Salad, Baked potatoe, Aspargus, T-Bone steak a small Lobster tail and a small slice of Cheesecake~ Later I will aim a little lower *wink* and we both will be content :)
ReplyDeleteTo be perfectly honest he could have gotten away with just a hug, kiss and a "Happy Valentine's Day I Love You!"
Showing your mate that you love them every day is more important than a single day a year. OK I can see the eye rolling going on out there but I think I can safely give this advice having been with the same man for nearly 50yrs.....and NO everyday is not perfect~ there are many days I could/would have gladly smacked him up side the head~ unfortunatly [or maybe fortunely] I'm sure he has had many of those days as well :P however you celebrated [or not] just know that what occurs all through the year will affect your relationship more than a single day [well except if you forget your anniversy :)]
Grama Jo