5 things that annoy me...

I am fairly laid back.  I am an easy going kinda guy.  Ask people who know me.  They will tell you.  That Jesse is an ok fella!  He doesn't get angry or go on rants.  Ever.  

Ok, ok, ok.  Stop laughing.  It's true, I do get annoyed easily on occasion but some things really have the ability to set me off.  I can tolerate most anything in small increments but some things are just too annoying for words.  

You will notice the topic is 5 things that annoy me.  There are WAAAAY more than 5 things that annoy me but for the sake of brevity, I am sticking to 5 this time.  So without further ado...

Facebook Poking

Really?  We have more technology in our calculators than the astronauts had in the first moon mission and what do we do with it?  I poked you, he he he!  Poke me back!  So let me understand, we use our computers to press a button, sending a signal from our homes, through the air, up to satellites, back down to earth, back through more wires and air, into someone elses home to let them know that we virtually poke them.  I can hear it now "But Jesse, its just a bit of fun!"  No, video games are fun.  Tossing a ball to your dog is fun.  Jumping on a trampoline is fun.  Pressing the word poke and waiting for someone else to press the word poke is NOT fun.  Its stupid.  Stop it.  Really.

Are you okay?

Now before you go all crazy here, let me clarify.  When someone is sick, and you are legitimately concerned for their health and well being, it is perfectly acceptable to ask if someone is okay.  I have Crohn's Disease.  It is a legitimate chronic illness that is quite debilitating.  Most people who know me know that I have it.  They also know that I have been in the hospital and they ask me if I am feeling okay.  This is fine.  As a matter of fact, if you truly care if I am okay or not, I welcome the question.  HOWEVER, some people feel the need to ask every single time they see someone how they are feeling and if they are okay.  This would be fine if you only saw this person, oh say once a week.  But when you see someone SEVERAL TIMES A DAY please stop asking if they are okay.  Most people ask this question rhetorically.  They ask it because they feel that it is not socially acceptable to have a conversation with someone who is ill without addressing the illness in some way.  It isn't necessary, I will like you regardless of the fact of my health and will like you more if you STOP ANNOYING THE LIVING BEJESUS OUTTA ME!!!  :)

Bratty Kids

I am sitting in a quiet restaurant with my wife, having a pleasant meal, asking her about how her day was, catching up on all the things that I have missed.  Suddenly, I feel a piercing set of eyes burning a hole through the side of my head and into my soul.  I slowly turn my head and staring directly in my ear hanging over the back of my seat is a 3 year old.  Their face and hands are covered with whatever they were eating, mushed up and gross, and I hear "HI!  WANT SOME CAKE!!!"  Then they pat me on the shoulder, messy hands and all, on my white dress shirt.  AWWWW, isn't that cute?  HECK NO!!!  Then they get up and run around in circles screaming "BRRRRR BRRRRR I AM AN AIRPLANE!!!"  All the while, the parents of that kid continue to hold their conversation as if nothing is happening.  I don't blame the kid, they are 3 and dont know any better.  Why dont they know any better?  Because their idiot parents arent taking the time to teach them any better, that's why!  If my kid acted that way, it would only happen once.  Guaranteed.

Telemarketers

I am in sales and the telephone is very important.  I understand that.  I try my best to be polite to telemarketers because they have a very hard job and most people are rude to them.  But if you call me, and I tell you no thank you and that I am not interested my decision will not change if you call me back 37 more times or if you just keep telling me the same thing over and over.  It pushes my politeness to the edge and makes me want to find you and punch you in the face repeatedly.  Just sayin.

Scam Artists

RING RING:  Unknown number call

Me:  Hello?  

Them:  Could I speak to XXXXXX?   (in a Jamaican accent)

Me:  This is he.

Them:  First off let me say congratulations!  Your name was selected among thousands of entrants for a $25,000 prize and a brand new 2012 Mecedes Benz!  How do you feel!

Me:  (Sarcastically) Thats great!  Wow!  I am Ex-ci-ted!

Them:  That's great.  Now first I have a few questions for you.  What do you plan to do with all that money!

Me:  Well, I don't know.  I probably will go out and buy a cow.  Not a live one, but a butchered one.  I love beef, but now that I think about it I will need a bigger deep freezer.  A cow is a lot of beef.  How much do you think a cow weighs?  

Them:  That's great.  And have you seen any of the new 2012 Mercedes Benz's?

Me:  I am not so sure buying a whole cow is a good idea after all.  I mean I do love beef but how long would it take to eat a whole cow?  And what about the parts of the cow that I dont eat.  Like liver.  I dont eat liver.  Do you eat liver?

Them:  That's great.  Now do you live near a Wal-mart?

Me:  Yes, I do.  As a matter of fact, I am passing a Wal-mart right now.  But really, unless you live in Jamaica, doesn't everyone live near a Wal-mart?

Them:  That's great.  So I want to help you claim your prize.  Will you be home tomorrow around 4:00pm?

Me:  Yes

Them:  That's great.  We will have someone there tomorrow with the new car, but to help expedite the process, we need to take care of a couple of things.  First there is taxes and processing of your prize.  If you could stop at Wal-mart, I will give you a processing code and you will need to Western Union us $300 to cover the fees.

Me:  (Angrily because I am tired of this game) So let me get this straight, I won a prize from a contest that I didn't even enter, and to collect this prize I have to wire you $300?  And you expect me to buy this line of bull?  I have no doubt that you realize this is illegal.  

Them:  Click!

Sad part, how many people actually fall for this crap?  Yeah, I know, too many.

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